Im drowning!

I really dislike my self right now, I dont care about hidding it now, I dont care who sees. I am having the meltdown in my mind and in my heart, I've been pleasing people ( not fakein it ), not like being my self but always doing something, I always listen to what others say ( which is a good thing) But when it come time to say what i want to say, i feel it's really not important to talking about. But it's how i feel. Im trying not to make this about me but it's kinda the point. I need to write something or i'll just blow up. I'm really sick of working 2 or three jobs. what i really want to do is be at one job and stay there forever, to grow in it. I had a problem that im in with money, I didnt pay a bill that should of been paid back in 07 when i moved to PA ( i was getting my learners and i had to go take a test at the hospital-Mount Nittany Medical Center, the bill was very small but i gave it to my mom to pay off, she said that she paid it and she dont know what there are talking about and now it like $1058. I cant pay that! so i just got all these bills in the mail and i just throw them alway... only because i dont know how can i do it, well thats just the first part of it, I overdaft in my bank and cant pay the bank back. I was dumb for me to go to nyc for 3weeks knowing that i had all this behind me at home. I was just upseet that i did dumb things that was not wise and not of God, Just doing what ever pleases me, then this is what Hits me in the butt. I know i walk away from God, because i put my thoughts and dreams before Him. I dont know How to come back to him and fix this mess of my life. Inside im hurting big time and need help. I felt like my life was nothing now because of my foolishness. Im drowning!

his eye on the sparrow

It all started with I took my eyes off of Christ and put it on myself, things started to happen to me that never happen before. My mind started to be filled with thoughts of this world and doning things that are not about christ. My feeling started to take contorl and rule me, I get sad more than before, Depression start to creep up on me. I cry sometimes when i feel alone and no one cares. I start to put other things first. Prayer life is being drain. (this is the first thing that stop. when i stop praying, i start to getting weak that i begin walking away from the Lord). Some time i dislike myself because of stuff that happen. I feel look down, because i'm not like everyone. I compare my self to other people and so on... But all because i to my eyes off of Christ and put it on my self, and because of that i walk a road of darkness, moving alway from the light. But the story is not over, I pick up my bible and read about the son who ran from his father into an unknown place of sin and darkness, But it was there when he came to his senses, knowing that at hes fathers house there was food a bed to sleep and alot of love. Where he got back home the father run to him because thats hes son. After reading that i started to cry because i thought that Christ was done with me because i stop praying like i did before and started thinking about other stuff and putting other thing before him. But He wasnt. God wanted me to come back, He was standing there the whole time but i was the one that walk away from him. I repented with a broken heart turning back to the Lord, Clinging on to him for dear life. not wanted to turn my back on him ever again. Thank you Lord... I never want to drain your time, but i want to "Milk it all until i cant take it no more" The song God gave me is " HIS EYE IS ON THE SPARROW"

Thanks Be to God!!

I just want to Praise God for what he is teaching us on sundays about Humility and pride. God had point out pride in my life when i didnt know, Like "I am the best in what I do" stuff like that. But I just thank God for Pastor that sunday for sharing that to everyone. Im in daily need of the Spirit of God. Daily need of the Humility and Love of God. I use to think i was a big shot, now before the master I am nothing. Thank God for Christ, for what he has done in others and in me. Thank God that daily his Spirit is moving on the ones who draw near ( and the ones don't) I love my God, I love my Savior, I love all 3 in one... God is Great and Greatly to be Praise!!
Theres something that i would like to share.

Check this out:
http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/singlefile.php?lid=16813&commentView=itemComments

Back to the Cross By Watchman Nee

I was really bless by this and thought i should share this to all the readers!

Back to the Cross

WE ARE IN THE LAST HOURS of this dispensation. The hand of the clock is approaching the hour of twelve. It is the dark hour of midnight, but the darkest hour is just before the dawn. The Church is rapidly drifting into a state of apostasy, further and further away from God. Dark forces have been liberated which are producing as evil an effect upon the Church as upon the world.

The Cross of Christ is the light that will illuminate the present darkness. We need a fresh revelation of sin, for it is through sin that we have lost our way, and it is through Christ's death on the Cross that we are won back and restored to God. See I Peter 3: 18—"Christ...hath once suffered for sins...that He might bring us to God." The reason why many lose the sense of the sinfulness of sin is that they get away from the reality of Christ's atoning death, for it is only at the Cross that we get a vision of the depths and misery of sin.
Calvary is a revelation of man's hatred to God's authority—a hatred which manifested itself in the blackest, darkest deed ever committed. We are told that the Cross is the "Touchstone of Faith"; that is blessedly true! but it is also true that it is the criterion of the human heart. It reveals man in his true character. The Church has lost sight of the Cross, and has therefore lost sight of the awfulness of sin. She has wandered from the place where sin is seen in God's light, and where the soul is led to cry out, "I have crucified my Lord." What astonishes one in these days is the sin in the Church. How awful it is that Christians can sin and be unmoved by it! God's people are sinning—sinning in the heart, sinning in the mind, sinning in the pulpit, sinning in the pew,—sinning in spite of Calvary and of all that the Bible reveals of the horror and degradation of sin! Child of God! go back to Calvary and take the sinner's place. Let the Cross melt the hardness and cause the tears to flow.

a Cry in the night

My heart's cry is to seek after the face of God.
I want to know him.
I want to be where he wants me to be
Change me O God, for you alone are the only one that can do it.
I hate what you hate, and love what you love.
I dont want to fall alway from you.
Help me Lord.
Here am I
I cant run from you
I cant Hide from you
One way or another you are there and you see every part of me.
Forgive me for doing it on my own.
All i dd was break your heart.
wash me clean
Take me in
Teach me your ways.
Burn every part of my self and my works until there nothing left
Fill me with your self OGod.
I am yours.

Wrost day in my life!

going through a hard time right now. i'll talk later

We are the Lord's

We are the Lord's; His all sufficient merit,
Sealed on the cross, to us this grace accords.
We are the Lord's and all things shall inherit;
Whether we live or die, we are the Lord's.

We are the Lord's; then let us gladly tender
Our souls to Him in deeds, not empty words.
Let heart and tongue and life combine to render
No doubtful witness that we are the Lord's.

We are the Lord's; no darkness brooding o'er us
Can make us tremble while this star affords
A steady light along the path before us -
Faith's full assurance that we are the Lord's.

We are the Lord's; no evil can befall us
In the dread hour of life's fast loosening cords;
No pangs of death shall even then appall us.
Death we shall vanquish, for we are the Lord's