Im drowning!

I really dislike my self right now, I dont care about hidding it now, I dont care who sees. I am having the meltdown in my mind and in my heart, I've been pleasing people ( not fakein it ), not like being my self but always doing something, I always listen to what others say ( which is a good thing) But when it come time to say what i want to say, i feel it's really not important to talking about. But it's how i feel. Im trying not to make this about me but it's kinda the point. I need to write something or i'll just blow up. I'm really sick of working 2 or three jobs. what i really want to do is be at one job and stay there forever, to grow in it. I had a problem that im in with money, I didnt pay a bill that should of been paid back in 07 when i moved to PA ( i was getting my learners and i had to go take a test at the hospital-Mount Nittany Medical Center, the bill was very small but i gave it to my mom to pay off, she said that she paid it and she dont know what there are talking about and now it like $1058. I cant pay that! so i just got all these bills in the mail and i just throw them alway... only because i dont know how can i do it, well thats just the first part of it, I overdaft in my bank and cant pay the bank back. I was dumb for me to go to nyc for 3weeks knowing that i had all this behind me at home. I was just upseet that i did dumb things that was not wise and not of God, Just doing what ever pleases me, then this is what Hits me in the butt. I know i walk away from God, because i put my thoughts and dreams before Him. I dont know How to come back to him and fix this mess of my life. Inside im hurting big time and need help. I felt like my life was nothing now because of my foolishness. Im drowning!